ASSIGNMENTS:
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Little Gay Xtian
Plainfield, Illinois USA
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REPORTS:
PREVIOUS NEXT
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Xtian (11:58:52 PM): i don't want this anymore
Xtian (11:59:01 PM): i want you
Xtian (11:59:15 PM): i don't want to cry anymore
Shawn (11:59:19 PM): no you dont
Xtian (11:59:24 PM): yes i do
Xtian (11:59:30 PM): this whole fight is stupid
Shawn (11:59:41 PM): it isnt anymore
Xtian (11:59:48 PM): why?
Shawn (11:59:48 PM): its very relevant
Xtian (11:59:54 PM): what is relevant about it?
Shawn (12:00:05 AM): it shows alot
Shawn (12:00:42 AM): you wills ay i am th eone talkign about you when you were the one talking abou tme to my freinds
Xtian (12:00:58 AM): i thought they were my friends too
Shawn (12:01:06 AM): they are
Xtian (12:01:17 AM): i don't think so anymore
Xtian (12:01:29 AM): can i call you?
Shawn (12:01:34 AM): no
Xtian (12:01:36 AM): i won't yell at you
Xtian (12:01:39 AM): i can't yell at you
Shawn (12:01:42 AM): i am not ready for that yet
Xtian (12:01:47 AM): i feel so broken
Shawn (12:02:01 AM): and you think i am not affected at all
Xtian (12:02:08 AM): i never said that
Xtian (12:02:24 AM): i did what anyone would do in a situation where they were upset though
Xtian (12:02:37 AM): i called my friends and bitched about it cuz i didnt' want to take it out on you
Xtian (12:02:46 AM): i wasn't going to tell you cuz i didn't want to upset you
Xtian (12:02:50 AM): i don't want to hurt
Xtian (12:02:53 AM): i never want that
Xtian (12:02:58 AM): so i talked to other people about it
Xtian (12:03:13 AM): i figured megan would understand cuz she said she did when i talked to her
Xtian (12:03:31 AM): that it was just a stupid little thing and that telling you would just get you upset and it didn't matter enough to do that
Xtian (12:03:35 AM): and then she told you anyway
Xtian (12:03:43 AM): and i don't know why she did that
Xtian (12:03:54 AM): cuz it started so much that didn't need to be started
Xtian (12:04:06 AM): right now
Xtian (12:04:12 AM): i am so confused
Xtian (12:04:17 AM): i don't even know what is going on
Xtian (12:04:21 AM): or how this all happened
Xtian (12:04:38 AM): or why you don't adore me in the way that i adore you
Xtian (12:04:44 AM): or if that is asking too much
Xtian (12:04:52 AM): or if i deserve to be forgiven
Xtian (12:05:00 AM): or anything
Xtian (12:05:06 AM): i just don't understand...
Xtian (12:06:23 AM): i am in so much pain
Xtian (12:06:32 AM): it hurts to type
Xtian (12:06:47 AM): my thumb is bleeding
Xtian (12:06:58 AM): cuz i slit open my nail when i was cleaning
Xtian (12:07:00 AM): and it hurts
Xtian (12:07:04 AM): and i said that already
Xtian (12:07:05 AM): i think
Xtian (12:07:10 AM): but it's still hurting
Xtian (12:07:27 AM): and i make mistakes
Xtian (12:07:35 AM): and no one will forgive me when i say i'm sorry
Xtian (12:07:41 AM): why?
Xtian (12:07:48 AM): i really mean it
Xtian (12:07:55 AM): i really didn't mean to hurt anyone
Shawn (12:08:08 AM): you knew that what you were saying
Shawn (12:08:13 AM): your a big boy
Xtian (12:08:17 AM): but i was saying it
Xtian (12:08:21 AM): in confidence to my friends
Shawn (12:08:22 AM): you knew it would affect me
Xtian (12:08:25 AM): yeah
Xtian (12:08:39 AM): but i was telling people who i thought knew to just accept it as me bitching and not tell you
Shawn (12:08:51 AM): I am refferign to the fuck you that ruined my day
Xtian (12:08:55 AM): everyone does that
Xtian (12:08:56 AM): oh
Xtian (12:09:01 AM): at that point
Xtian (12:09:07 AM): i said it
Xtian (12:09:12 AM): i said fuck you to you
Xtian (12:09:15 AM): and it was a mistake
Shawn (12:09:17 AM): I am glad you bitch about me so does dan
Xtian (12:09:24 AM): you bitch about me too
Xtian (12:09:42 AM): don't compare me to dan please
Xtian (12:09:51 AM): i did something once that you do to me too
Xtian (12:10:04 AM): you told megan that i lie all the time today
Shawn (12:10:07 AM): I tell you
Xtian (12:10:08 AM): that wasn't even true
Shawn (12:10:14 AM): I told you
Xtian (12:10:22 AM): yeah but she thinks that i lie all the time now
Xtian (12:10:31 AM): and as far as me not telling you
Xtian (12:10:40 AM): i just said it cuz i was in a bad mood
Xtian (12:10:46 AM): and i needed to get it off my chest
Shawn (12:10:51 AM): and didnt wait for some one else to say something
Xtian (12:10:57 AM): and i didn't want to tell you cuz it wasn't that big of a deal
Xtian (12:11:04 AM): i didn't want to tell you cuz i didn't need to
Shawn (12:11:06 AM): you wanted me of your chest
Xtian (12:11:13 AM): i was just grumpy and needed to bitch about something
Xtian (12:11:15 AM): no
Xtian (12:11:17 AM): not you
Xtian (12:11:22 AM): i just needed to bitch about anything
Xtian (12:11:29 AM): and that just happened to come up twice
Xtian (12:11:36 AM): it wasn't even like i was just spreading it around
Xtian (12:11:40 AM): it just got brought up
Xtian (12:11:45 AM): and i bitched about it
Xtian (12:11:47 AM): everyone does that
Xtian (12:11:49 AM): and i'm sorry
Xtian (12:12:07 AM): and when i said fuck you
Xtian (12:12:12 AM): it slipped out of my mouth
Xtian (12:12:18 AM): and the second that i said it
Xtian (12:12:23 AM): i went SHIT I AM SO SORRY
Xtian (12:12:31 AM): but you had already hung up
Xtian (12:12:39 AM): and i hated myself for saying it
Xtian (12:12:41 AM): cuz it was fucked up
Xtian (12:12:46 AM): but i was angry
Xtian (12:12:49 AM): and it wasn't right
Xtian (12:12:52 AM): but i did it
Xtian (12:12:54 AM): and i felt horrible
Xtian (12:12:56 AM): and i'm sorry
Xtian (12:13:00 AM): and that's all that i can give you
Xtian (12:13:08 AM): and if you still need to be mad at me then that's fine
Xtian (12:13:17 AM): but i've apologized for everything that i've done today
Xtian (12:13:20 AM): and i meant it
Xtian (12:13:27 AM): and i love you
Xtian (12:13:34 AM): and i don't know why you can't forgive me
Shawn (12:14:34 AM): I forgive e veryone
Shawn (12:14:40 AM): and it gets me no where
Shawn (12:14:47 AM): that will give you room to do aain
Shawn (12:14:50 AM): again*
Xtian (12:14:52 AM): no it won't
Xtian (12:15:02 AM): i dont' need to be punished
Shawn (12:15:03 AM): people cant get away witht treating me liek this
Xtian (12:15:06 AM): i know when i'm wrong
Xtian (12:15:15 AM): and i am dealing with it myself
Shawn (12:15:24 AM): I am not punishing you just not forgiveing you
Xtian (12:15:30 AM): you have to be able to cut people slack shawn
Shawn (12:15:38 AM): I do all the time
Xtian (12:15:45 AM): this is really hard for me
Xtian (12:15:47 AM): cuz like
Shawn (12:15:52 AM): thats why i cant anymore
Xtian (12:15:53 AM): i spent one second saying fuck you today
Xtian (12:16:00 AM): and 3 hours trying to make it up to you
Shawn (12:16:01 AM): its obviously gotten me no where
Xtian (12:16:19 AM): and another hour begging amy kasio's girlfriend to get her to sign online
Xtian (12:16:31 AM): and another hour trying to figure out how i can make the present that i want to give you happen
Xtian (12:16:59 AM): and three hours crying and trying ot figure out another way to say i'm sorry
Shawn (12:17:11 AM): I dont want anything
Xtian (12:17:14 AM): and another hour asking people how i can show you that i'm sorry and i love you
Xtian (12:17:27 AM): i love you
Xtian (12:17:30 AM): but i make mistakes
Xtian (12:17:38 AM): you have said things to me that were bad too
Xtian (12:17:40 AM): and i forgave you
Xtian (12:17:42 AM): cuz i love you
Xtian (12:17:48 AM): and cuz i know that you make mistakes
Xtian (12:17:54 AM): and you never apologized
Xtian (12:17:59 AM): but i forgave you anyway
Xtian (12:18:10 AM): cuz i knew that you just said it cuz you were mad
Xtian (12:18:12 AM): i'm not dan
Xtian (12:18:14 AM): i'm not your mom
Xtian (12:18:19 AM): i'm not going to walk all over you
Xtian (12:18:22 AM): forgive me
Xtian (12:18:26 AM): please
Xtian (12:18:43 AM): what have i done now to show you that i'm not worthy of it?
Xtian (12:19:20 AM): i feel like i lost so much today
Xtian (12:19:27 AM): i lost two friends
Xtian (12:19:37 AM): and i lost alot of the love that i thought that you had for me
Xtian (12:19:48 AM): and i don't even know why
Shawn (12:20:42 AM): I dont know what to do
Shawn (12:20:56 AM): I want to but then i am scared to
Xtian (12:21:15 AM): at least once every other day
Xtian (12:21:26 AM): i ask someone how i can show you that i love you when we are fighting
Xtian (12:21:32 AM): and how i can get it through to you
Xtian (12:21:47 AM): cuz what i do when we fight gets it through to everyone else that i mean welll
Shawn (12:21:49 AM): who were you asking
Xtian (12:21:53 AM): but for you it doesn't
Xtian (12:21:59 AM): and today i asked amy's girlfriend
Xtian (12:22:05 AM): and she talked to me about it
Xtian (12:22:19 AM): and told me that she can relate to some things that you feel
Xtian (12:22:22 AM): cuz i explained your side
Xtian (12:22:27 AM): like i always do
Xtian (12:22:31 AM): when i ask that
Xtian (12:22:38 AM): cuz i really want to know how to make it better
Xtian (12:22:53 AM): and no one has ever told me that they relate to your side before
Xtian (12:22:57 AM): and she talked to me
Xtian (12:23:08 AM): and explained alot of things to me that made sense
Xtian (12:23:15 AM): and i thought about it
Xtian (12:23:21 AM): and realised that it did all make sense
Xtian (12:23:26 AM): but it was very wierd to me
Xtian (12:23:37 AM): cuz you are the only person i have ever met in my life that works like that
Xtian (12:23:52 AM): and i might be the only person that you ever meet in your life that works like i do
Xtian (12:24:01 AM): but that doesn't mean that it's not true
Xtian (12:24:15 AM): everyone in your life may have proven to you that you can't trust them
Xtian (12:24:18 AM): but i haven't
Shawn (12:24:21 AM): i am curious to what she said to you how do i work
Xtian (12:24:25 AM): i have made mistakes
Xtian (12:24:32 AM): but i feel awful for them
Xtian (12:24:41 AM): and i don't do them on purpose
Xtian (12:24:45 AM): they are mistakes
Shawn (12:25:23 AM): fine i forgive you
Shawn (12:25:27 AM): but it hurts
Xtian (12:25:29 AM): and i know that when other people do them to you it's not a mistake
Xtian (12:25:31 AM): but with me it is
Xtian (12:25:37 AM): i konw it hurts baby
Xtian (12:25:40 AM): that's why i feel so bad about it
Shawn (12:25:40 AM): and i am crying again
Xtian (12:25:44 AM): i am too
Xtian (12:26:12 AM): i went into the shower and cried and cried and cried and hit my head on the wall cuz i felt like i was going to explode and i didn't know what to do
Xtian (12:26:17 AM): and i'm still crying
Xtian (12:26:20 AM): and it hurts
Xtian (12:26:30 AM): but i'm trying to be good to you
Xtian (12:26:43 AM): and to konw that you work in a way that is different than anyone else
Xtian (12:26:55 AM): please understand that i work in a way that is different too
Xtian (12:27:01 AM): and other than today
Xtian (12:27:04 AM): which i'm sorry about
Xtian (12:27:29 AM): and a couple other occasions when things just got soo out of control that it wasn't even funny
Xtian (12:27:33 AM): and you know about them
Xtian (12:27:40 AM): i don't talk about you behind your back
Xtian (12:27:44 AM): i love you
Xtian (12:27:49 AM): i would never want to hurt you
Xtian (12:27:55 AM): and my mistakes are really mistakes
Xtian (12:27:59 AM): not intentional things
Shawn (12:28:12 AM): yeah
Shawn (12:28:33 AM): it just hurts me when you think of me or what i say as annoying
Xtian (12:28:46 AM): i know that
Xtian (12:28:55 AM): cuz you have told me that i am annoying you too
Xtian (12:28:58 AM): and i hurt me really bad
Xtian (12:29:15 AM): i didn't mean to hurt you though
Xtian (12:29:23 AM): i wasn't thinking
Shawn (12:29:27 AM): I feel liek I should apologize for the way i acted but I was hurt I shouldnt have to apologize for being hurt
Xtian (12:29:38 AM): no
Xtian (12:29:45 AM): you shouldn't apologize for being hurt
Shawn (12:29:51 AM): i say it cause you hurt me
Xtian (12:29:59 AM): but being hurt isn't anyting that you did wrong
Xtian (12:30:11 AM): i know dear
Xtian (12:30:13 AM): but
Xtian (12:30:17 AM): i am hurt right now too
Xtian (12:30:22 AM): i don't know what to do or what to say right now
Xtian (12:30:27 AM): i feel like anything i say will be wrong
Xtian (12:30:38 AM): fuck
Xtian (12:30:44 AM): i love you
Xtian (12:31:00 AM): i don't want us to hurt each other any more
Xtian (12:31:11 AM): and i want to comfort you
Xtian (12:31:23 AM): and i want you to take this
Xtian (12:31:29 AM): and
Xtian (12:31:30 AM): fuck
Xtian (12:31:32 AM): nevermind
Xtian (12:31:33 AM): i love you
Xtian (12:31:35 AM): it doesn't matter
Xtian (12:31:38 AM): just love me too
Xtian (12:31:44 AM): and it'll be fine
Shawn (12:31:53 AM): i do
Xtian (12:32:00 AM): do you trust me?
Shawn (12:32:16 AM): sometimes
Xtian (12:32:43 AM): do you trust me when i tell you that i never intentionally set out to hurt you and that when i make a mistake it really is a mistake?
Shawn (12:33:05 AM): yesh
Shawn (12:33:21 AM): i need to sleep dear
Shawn (12:33:33 AM): I cant bare to be up anylonger
Xtian (12:33:37 AM): me too
Xtian (12:33:42 AM): please remember what i said
Xtian (12:33:45 AM): please know that
Xtian (12:33:49 AM): and when i make a mistake
Xtian (12:33:51 AM): tell me about it
Shawn (12:33:53 AM): okay
Xtian (12:34:05 AM): and let me know but don't make it hurt this much please
Xtian (12:34:10 AM): cuz it really was an accident
Xtian (12:34:16 AM): i want to know so i don't do it again
Xtian (12:34:34 AM): but this hurts both of us way too much
Shawn (12:35:36 AM): indeed
Xtian (12:35:42 AM): <3
Shawn (12:36:00 AM): I am gonna sleep anc cry
Shawn (12:36:05 AM): goood night deaer
Xtian (12:36:08 AM): me too
Autoresponse from Shawn: i love you.. sorry
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